Leaving for the United States

Here's a photo taken at what I'd like to think was the U.S. Consulate here in Belfast.  But alas it's actually the headquarters of the Ulster Bank - situated next to the Consulate.

You can't take photos of the Consulate itself of course.  The Feds are worried takin' pics will steal their soul or something like that.

To enter the Consulate itself one has to go through a horrible security procedure in a bizarre perspex box, isolated away from all in case you have a dirty bomb or some sort of equivalent.  You can't bring in your phone/camera/iPod/cameraphone/camerapod/walkman or anything electronic onto the 'compound'.  Again I think it's cause they're worried about your 'juju'. 

Anyway I had to go to the Consulate to get a replacement passport as the old one was just about full up.  They were pleasant enough inside - not that I got to get close to an actual living person mind you - the procedure involves speaking through another layer of perspex, (plexiglass) - human touch must at all times be avoided.

I would have liked to walk the grounds afterwards but was informed that if I did so the guards would swarm on me pretty quick.

All in all a shitty experience.

What are Americans so scared of?  Jesus, we all have to live in the world.  Maybe they get a lot of threats - who knows?  I'll enquire when I get back - for I'm off to the States you see.

First time in two years.

What will I find?

Am concerned of course.  Folks from the States who don't live or travel outside of that great land mass seem unaware of its total collapse of moral and political authority as of late.  The news coming out of the area is not good.  But then, when did I ever believe the news?

So I'm off on a fact-finding mission Dear Listeners.  I'll record what I find and report back to you in the next podcast.  As I'll be travelling a great deal I may be absent from this blog but I trust commenters like Phil and Jama will keep you entertained.

Stay well.

Comments

[Jama]

Have a safe trip!

PHIL! You get the accordian out, I'll rustle up some finger cymbals! Woo! This is gonna be fun!

[Brianf]

Accordians and Finger Cymbals!?! Will Dewey Balfa or Mark Savoy be playing also? Had I known this was going to turn into a Cajun music site I would have brought my squeeze box!
J'ai Vu Le Loup!!!

[Phil]

Everyone knows the accordian is an instrument of liberals Jama!! I will never!

I will play the fiddle, if you so desire.

Safe journeys, Jett!

[nathan]

Ahhh...the consulate. I’m new to the blog; only discovered it two days ago. Anyway, I used to live in Belfast until June '06 (I’m in BC, Canada right now in grad school, but am originally from Minneapolis). After I married a local Belfast girl last December I thought I’d pop in to the consulate (just for laughs) and inquire about how I could get my wife (or “trailing spouse” as they say) into the US and was basically informed that it would be a major pain in the ass. The experience of getting into the consulate, as you rightly portray, was annoying, as was trying to have a conversation through plexi glass. And the Crown Vics in the car park? Was it really necessary to import them all the way to Belfast at taxpayer’s expense? What do they have against a Vauxhall? Anyway, the visit only reconfirmed my commitment not to move back to the States. After grad school it’s back to Ulster! Enjoy your time in the US, I’ll be looking foreword to your findings.

[Phil]

Nathan,

Have you driven a Ford lately?

[Jama]

The fiddle it is! And don't be pickin' a fight with the liberal stuff. I am full of holiday cheer so it won't work!

[James]

They have to export the Crown Vics to Belfast, they've been churning them out since the seventies and no-one's buying them any more. Not actually that American though, they're actually built in St. Thomas, Ontario, Canada.

At this festive time of year,
It's only fair to spread the cheer.
So after a busy year at LTA,
It's time for Jett to head to USA.
So happy travelling Mr. Loe,
Just hope your not going via Heathrow.

(my best poetry always come when I'm slightly drunk...)

*j*

[Jett Loe]

Thanks for the lovely poem James - sat in a plane in Heathrow for a couple of hours watching a severely 'edited for content' version of 'Talledega Nights - the Legend of Ricky Bobby' - so edited that major plot points were excised making the film nigh on unintelligible.

Anyway, missed connecting flight in Washington D.C. - where I am now stranded Dear Reader. I'm unshaven, unclean and in the possession of a new Chevy Impala rental car. Have never been to the U.S. of A's capital - perhaps I should make a visit to a variety of monuments...why not the White House?

And Nathan - thanks for stopping by and saying hi!

Also hope to see the accordion and fiddle players get along.

[James]

Ouch, unfortunate place to be stranded, although strangely enough, that's

[James]

where Beatrice and I ended up last May with another rented Impala:

http://jamesbrownontheroad.wordpress.com/2006/05/26/snapshot-with-twenty-five-minutes-to-spare/

Only major downside about driving that thing for twelve hours was that when I got out for that photograph just outside DC, it left me looking like I had a hard-on. Guess I'm a Chevy man...

*j*

[Jama]

Bad news that you're stranded, Jett. I hope you're on your way soon, it's no fun to be alone on Christmas. And to be stinky. And to be driving an Impala.

Don't worry about Phil and me. I know kung fu and I'm not afraid to show off my sweet moves.

[Phil]

I only hope Jett is not behind the wheel.

[Wayne Ordinary American]

I figure you could bribe your way into the White House, Jett. A bottle of Kentucky's finest whiskey (for Dubbya) and a carton of Kool's (for Laura) ought to do the trick.

Oh and one more thing:

ROAD TRIP!!!!!

[Phil]

George W. does not drink anymore, Wayne - besides, he was a 'cocaine' man back in the 70s anyway.

[Jett Loe]

Glad to see you are still commenting Phil even though it is the holiday season - I now find myself in Orlando - decided to head South away from our Nation's capital. Had a short detour towards the Pentagon but that's a story for another time.

[Phil]

A professional commenter like myself must comment no matter the time of year. I did just go see "Pursuit of Happyness" with my wife, and now I'm back to commenting.

Glad you arrived safely in the Magic Kingdom.

[Jama]

Orlando? Do you need a place to stay? My brother lives down there and he can set you up in a sweet condo by the park. Don't forget your sunscreen!

[Jett Loe]

Thanks Jama - have found a place here and am now off to Disney Marketplace - the abundance / wealth / energy consumption of the U.S. is currently overwhelming me.

[Phil]

You are in the epicenter of U.S. Overindulgence.

But damn, is it fun.

(PS - You may already be aware they have "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride", which should not be too dissimilar or difficult to re-create your trips in the Punto w/ Wayne...see if you can sneak your recorder in there).

[Alan in Belfast]

You may be overwhelmed - but I bet you're warmer and dryer than we are in the misty missle of Belfast.

Happy New Year. Bring us back some weather. The exchange rate should mean you can bring back 50% extra!

[Jama]

How fun! Disney World will either make you really want kids, or create an urgent need in you to set an appointment for medical sterilization with the nearest doctor.

When at Epcot, go see Off Kilter!

[Jett Loe]

Lord I went crazy at the Outlet Mall - Timberland Boots for 10 Pounds - it's just not right.

[Phil]

- and try not to form/join a boy band while you are there.

[Jama]

Uh oh. Jett's got the fever.

Phil, what's your beef with boy bands? BACKSTREET BOYS 4EVEAH!!!

[Phil]

Dammit, Jama!! Have we learned nothing from the "Menudo" debacle??